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Being Healthy Being Whole

It’s been a really long time since I posted anything. Not because I had nothing to post. I don’t know why I left the blogsphere. Things seemed so chaotic. Even though the chaos was mainly in my head. I”ve spent the last year working very hard on getting healthy; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Working hard on being able to accept myself as I am. Even though I pretty much break every preconceived notion a person could have just by looking at me. I recently started running and think it’s just fabulous. Something I never imagined I’d ever say. Things are both good and on hold at the moment. I don’t know where this journey I seem to be on will end. Right now all I know is I want to be healthy and...

Not a New Year’s Resolution

When 2013 began, I had no idea how it would end. I wasn’t even sure if I’d live to see its end. A lot has happened in the last twelve months. Most of it I didn’t plan. The rest of it I’m not sure how it will end. I learned a long time ago to not make resolutions. Or plans. But for 2014 I do have one wish. One hope.  If I get nothing this year except that one wish, I will be grateful. I make no plans for 2014. No idea how it will end or where I will be. Like every year I’ll go with the flow. Ride its wave to wherever it takes me. I will survive. And some day I will...

Chasing the White Rabbit

Chasing the White Rabbit

I have never done LSD. But I’m pretty sure at this moment I have an idea what it feels like to trip acid. For the last four or five hours I’ve been sitting here watching my door bend and move like it was in a funhouse mirror. Sometimes it appears as if it’s really really close and other times I sit here and watch it as it slinks out into the hall. I have no fucking clue what it means either. All I know is that I feel like I’m on a carnival ride  and someone forgot to tell me. I’m use to hearing things others don’t hear. Seeing things others don’t see but this is new even for me. I know I’ve been working up a mania for the last few weeks. I have no idea if this is related. Or not. All I know is my door is apparently...

Bipolar, Stuff, Writing, & Things

Bipolar, Stuff, Writing, & Things

So it’s been a bit since I wrote anything here. To be honest, it wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to say. It was that I got into my own head. Which is never a good thing with me. When I started this blog, it was just suppose to be a place for me to let out all the thoughts in my head. But somehow I got the idea that I could ONLY write about bipolar. But that’s not me. Yes I have bipolar. Yes it has fucked up my life beyond explanation. BUT I’m working on fixing that. I’m building new bridges and a part of me just doesn’t want to look back. Doesn’t want to go back to the dark place I was in just a few short years ago. So I just stopped writing. Lately though, the writing bug has been biting me in the ass, and...

Sometimes…

Sometimes…

Most of the time  I’m very much in control of my emotions. Most of the time I don’t feel…Anything. Because I’m so focused on the next step. The next piece in the puzzle that I’ve been attempting to put together for the last few years. Sometimes I get so focused on making the pieces fit that I forget ME in the midst of it all. I forget that I exist and I forget to take care of me. I forget to feel because to feel makes me weak. It makes me unfocused. But sometimes..like today… all I do is feel. I should be working. I should be putting those puzzle pieces together, but I’m not going to do either of those things. I’m going to sit here and maybe cry a little. Not because of anything really. Just because sometimes...

Why I’m Against Sharia Law in the US

Why I’m Against Sharia Law in the US

A friend of mine sent me a link to an article in the Huffington Post. It was about an Islamic Group in the US that is attempting to get Sharia Law passed in the US. And being that I’m muslim most people probably assume I’d be for this. So it’s a huge surprise to everyone when I say I’m not. I have many reasons for being against it, but the biggest reason is the issues raised in article as to why they want it are outright lies. In the article it states, “American Muslims do not seek to have Sharia penal laws introduced in the U.S.” and are more interested in the role of Sharia in “praying, fasting and alms-giving, as well as divorce, burials and inheritance.” My first question to that would be, “well why not...

Bipolar Psychosis: Just Take A Pill

Bipolar Psychosis: Just Take A Pill

Since beginning my journey to recovery, I’ve learned a lot about myself. But I’ve also learned a lot about the way people perceive mental illness and particularly bipolar. My bipolar isn’t the pretty kind. It isn’t the kind you can get over no matter how much you want to. Part of the reason for me sharing my experiences is to maybe help others gain  a bit of understanding. I think it’s difficult for people to truly understand what it means to be in the midst of a full blown psychotic break from reality. “Just take meds” is the most common response I’ve gotten from people who truly do not understand. In the middle of my psychotic break, I couldn’t have taken any meds regardless of how badly I wanted to. I...